A Walk with God

I had lunch with a friend today.  Imagine that.   The funny thing I'm learning about this God I am just lately getting to know is that He seems to enjoy giving me the desires of my heart - right after I surrender them.  For the 11 years that we have lived here, I have desperately wanted friends, true friends.  There have been possibilities and hopeful moments, but for the most part, they have alluded me. Finally, a few months ago, I realized that I was looking for friends to meet the needs that God wants to meet in my heart.  So, I surrendered that desire.  I made a decision to look to God for my friendship needs and accept whatever He did or didn't give me in the way of human relationships.   I began to be more appreciative of the long distance friendships He has given me with some of the most wonderful women in the world.  Maybe it is a rare occasion when I can sit down and have a cup of tea with any them but, still, they are always there for me.  I get more from those friendships than most women have in a whole community of relationships.  I became content with what God has given me.  Then, about a month ago, my neighbor Jo calls and says she is starting a Thursday Morning Women's Club  - with two members, her and me.  It sounds perfect to me so we start meeting outside between our houses once a week for coffee and companionship.  I even printed out all my blog writings and shared them with her.  Jo has always been a precious friend to me though she is old enough to be my mother.  But, until her recent retirement, she has worked full time and we rarely have time alone together.  I find myself looking forward to Thursday mornings all week. 

So back to my lunch with a friend.  This past year, at our homeschool Co-op, I got friendly with another mom named Sara.  We talked about getting together this summer, so I called her and she invited me to go out for lunch with her.   She has 4 young children ranging from ages 9 months - 7 years, so I offer my teenage daughters as babysitters.  She takes me to this tea cafe with an Indian flare and we sit in a curtained-off booth on cushions instead of chairs with a tray between us instead of a table.  It was unique and fun.  We had tea (the menu had 4 pages of teas!) and lunch and talked for 2 1/2 hours about everything from children to church to parents.  I felt so grown up; is this how other women live?  Well, probably not most of us; not moms anyway. 

As I left her house feeling content, it dawned on me that, when I finally stopped looking, God decided to give me a life.  I felt loved.  He knows my needs.  And He cares.  He wants me to need Him first but He also wants to give me the desires of my heart.  Most of us women are desperately lonely and isolated from one another.  We worry about impressing each other; measuring up; always thinking other women have it more together than we do.  But really, we are all the same.  We need each other.  And God understands that.  After all, He made us that way.   

Recently, Cori reminded me in an email of a conversation we had less than a year ago when she still lived here.  She said she remembered saying, "when I'm having a hard time, I know it means I just need to get my focus back on Jesus".  My response was, "Whatever.  That means nothing to me."   She recalls that conversation now as I write things like "...when my eyes are on Jesus, no matter what life brings, it cannot defeat me" and shares my excitement in seeing how God has recently made Himself so real in my life.  What I loved about Cori from the start was that I could just be myself with her and never feel judged.  She grieved with me in those dark days and she rejoices with me now.  As I read her email, I was brought back to those years of despair and felt astounded at the changes in my heart.  Cori met me at the end of those days, though neither of us knew that then.  She had already experienced much of what God has been showing me and she knew what was ahead for me.  But I could never believe her at the time.  I felt no hope and assumed my life would carry on this way forever.  Then one day, God turned the lights on and I have not been the same since.  I wonder how many people read when I write about keeping my focus on Jesus and say, "Whatever, I have no idea what that means" or "that's great for Kim but God will never do anything like that for me."  Some of the people I love the most say they wish they could have my faith.  So do I.  More than they could ever know.  But I did not have "my" faith until God chose not long ago to give it to me.  I get impatient with God sometimes for them.  But I know that God doesn't love me any more than He loves any of His other children.  God's way of reaching each of us, however, is as unique and special as we each are to Him.  No one else's experience will be just like mine.  But I do believe, just as Cori believed for me, that God can and will meet the needs of every heart that seeks Him, in just the right way, in just the right time.  And for each of those loved ones that I pray for, I can't wait to be there to remind them where they've come from and the miracle of God's work in their lives.   What a priviledge that will be!

 "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."  Romans 12:15