Letting Go of My Rope
I didn’t sleep much last night. I lay awake for hours feeling crushed by my burdens. I tried not to think. I tried to pray. Nothing helped. Finally, I decided to visualize handing over each of my burdens to God. I pictured myself lifting a large bundle up and God reaching down and taking it from me. But when I got to some of the bundles, they were far heavier than me and, not only could I not lift them, they were on top of me, squashing me flat. I envisioned God reaching down and lifting one off me, only to have another, even heavier one take it’s place. He lifted each one from me until, finally, they were all in His hands.
I did feel a little lighter after that, but still I couldn’t sleep. I felt as if I were drowning in my circumstances. I began to picture myself in a sea of faces and problems, all shouting at me. I was holding on to the “end of my rope” to keep myself from going under. Then I thought, “Why am I holding on? Wouldn’t it be much easier to let go? Wouldn’t it feel better to stop fighting? Wouldn’t it be a relief to die?” So I let go of my rope. And I began to sink. Once below the surface, all the noise and chaos stopped. I was floating down to the bottom of the sea, and it was peaceful, quiet and easy. It was a wonderful relief. I totally relaxed and allowed myself to sink all the way to the soft sea floor. I felt warm, safe and comforted there, and I found rest. That’s the last thing I remember before I drifted off to sleep.
