Miracles Happen
I was settling in for the night at Jo’s house when Phil called me. He said my dad wanted to talk with me. I had spent all day trying to calm the anxiety I was experiencing and convince myself that I was safe from further confrontation. The last thing I wanted was to talk to my dad, but I knew I should not refuse. As I waited for Dad to get on the phone, I chided myself for my irrational fear.
I don’t know what I expected Dad to say, but I hardly recognized the broken, contrite man on the phone. He told me how much he loved me and expressed his desperation at the thought of losing me. I assured him that he didn’t need to worry about that. Having lost so many relationships in his life, especially recently, I know how great is his fear of being completely alone.
I would not have pressed him to discuss the awkward and painful details of my letter but he addressed them himself. He said he didn’t remember much of the events of which I wrote, but he recognized that he has made many mistakes. He said he always loved my mom, which I already knew. And he actually said he was sorry. His remorse was palpable.
We had a surprisingly candid conversation about my letter. We talked about his innapropriate behavior with his daughters and granddaughters. He said he wished I had told him long ago how he made the girls feel and that he only meant to complement them. Of course, I know he wouldn’t have responded the same way long ago. He told me that I have been a constant person in his life and how proud he is of me. He said that there were many things about which he used to believe I was wrong but had changed his mind. In the beginning, he thought I was wrong to homeschool my kids and now he is so proud of the sacrifices I have made and how well Phil and I run our home. He told me how wonderful he thinks my children have turned out. He seemed to think that he had told me all this before, and I said, “Maybe you have felt this way, but no, Dad, you never have told me.” I tried to talk with him about my sister, but he was resistant. I said my peace about her having felt unloved by him her whole life and then realized I could press it no further for now. I realized that I was giving him enough to “chew on” for the moment. I also verbalized my anger at his focus on the money and he simply said he reacted that way because he was upset, so I let it go. He told me he didn’t want to run me off from my own home or pressure me anymore to let him stay. He said he was only trying to “present his case”, but he now understood and accepted our wishes. He would leave on Sunday. I agreed to come back home.
This was by far the most real and satisfying conversation we have ever had. I was proud of myself for standing strong and backing down on nothing. I was proud of my dad for actually listening to me for the first time ever. As I packed my things to return home, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I had been building to this point for weeks, and it was like giving birth. Great pain had given way to great blessing. No doubt there will be many more bumps in the road ahead, so I will enjoy the smooth ride while it lasts.
Several people have told me that I should not trust my dad. I, of all people, am very aware that my father is a manipulator. I do, however, believe his penitence was genuine, but it really doesn’t matter. It is not my place to judge another’s heart, and there is no need, for it would not change my response. My love and forgiveness will not depend on the purity of his heart. My choice to forgive is necessary for the healing in my own heart. And, in loving my father when he does not deserve my love, I am only passing on what God has given me.
Amazing! God is working as only God can. It is no accident all of this is ‘hitting the fan’ all at the same time. You’re always in my prayers.
beautiful!