A Painful Parting
My father left yesterday morning, scared and heartbroken. The last days of our time together were pleasant. Caroline surprised him with a visit home for the weekend and he was very happy to see her. But as the time came to leave, he grew more and more depressed. While keeping a cheerful face for the rest of my family, he didn’t bother to hide his feelings from me. He made comments about being unwanted, being afraid, being alone, and not wanting to live anymore. Though I resented the guilt he was trying to put on me, I didn’t doubt the depth of his pain, and it was distressing for me. I had no idea how to comfort him. I know that my father is only reaping what he has sown, and that I should not stand in the way of that, but it is still a painful thing to watch. All I could do was reassure him of my love.
Just before he got into his car, I handed him a book called “He Loves Me.” I said, “You are forgetting Someone who loves you and will never abandon you. You are never alone. I think this book will be an encouragement to you as it was to me.” He said he had already tried that, and I told him, no, you really haven’t. On the verge of tears, Dad’s parting words to me were “I’ve lived too long,” and then he drove away. Instead of the relief I expected to feel in having him finally gone, I was angry at him for leaving that way; angry that he wanted me to feel guilty; angry that he holds me somehow responsible for his happiness. But even more so, I was sad to see my father in so much pain, so alone, so afraid - even if he does deserve it. I was also exhausted from three weeks of constant stress and anxiety.
All I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for about a week. And to have some peaceful, quiet time alone. But I also needed the comfort and understanding of my family. Unfortunately, this was not the priority for them, and they did not make things any easier for me. In fact, some of them only rubbed salt in my wounds. So I turned to one of my good old friends for comfort - CHINESE FOOD. Then I dove into another world with my trusty book, and finally escaped into dreamland. Like Scarlett O’Hara, I thought, “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
I love you……
Sometimes the only way God can reach us is when we have no one else to turn to. Maybe your dad has lived just long enogh for this
to take place and as hard as it may be for you to remove yourself during the process this seems to be what he really needs.