The Pure Joy of Pain
As I said in my last blog, God has been speaking to me lately in the most powerful ways. I wish I had written about them each at the time, but I am going to try to go back and remember them now.
I have been reading a book by Michael Wells called “Problems, God’s Presence, and Prayer” that I actually bought a year ago. I wasn’t drawn to it until recently, so it has been sitting on my nightstand all this time. I was just beginning it when my dad came to visit. It seemed so appropriate. I was in the middle of being squeezed by my problems and desperate for some hope to cling to when I remembered this book. At first, as I read about the necessity of problems in the Christian’s life, I was thinking, “Well, that’s very nice that I am supposed to be this miserable, but how does it help me to know it?” Even so, I found a little comfort in the idea that my pain had a purpose.
The author contends that “Problems are God’s main tool for bringing us to the end of our own resources and into the deep experience of all His riches.” We are so self-sufficient that we will not rely on God completely until we become totally exhausted with our own efforts and finally ready to say, “I can’t”, and let God. If our attempts to meet our needs or get others to meet our needs do not fail, we will continue to resort to them. We are continually plotting and striving to fix our problems because our comfort is the main priority. We are only willing to accept the good things in our lives and not the bad. This just prolongs our pain. It’s when we give up trying to solve our problems and turn our attention to God to resolve them in His time and His way, that we find rest. It’s not that God wants us to suffer; it’s that He knows this is the only way we will come to lean on Him. He is not willing to allow our efforts at saving ourselves to work, and therefore, have us settle for anything less than His best for us. He wants to save us! This certainly resonated with me.
In the midst of the turmoil of my life, as I began to understand God’s purpose for it, I turned to Him and put my problems in His hands. In spite of the pain I was feeling, there was a peace in knowing that He was in control and He would use all these problems for my good. I began to really understand the need to accept whatever God allows in my life and to trust Him. I would frequently say to God, “I hate this; it hurts so much; but I’m going to let You worry about it, because all my efforts have failed and it’s just too big for me.” After a lifetime of “fighting” to save myself (and my marriage, my family, etc., etc., etc.), I had no steam left. So I stopped my desperate attempts to find “a way out” and started focusing on just getting through one day at a time. When I put my focus on God instead of my circumstances, I experienced such relief.
I have spent my life ranting at God for allowing bad things to happen to me and equating my happiness with His love for me, feeling rejected by Him whenever He allowed me to suffer. It occurred to me that the main priority of my life has been my own happiness. But God’s goals for me are so much greater than my mere comfort and happiness. For the first time in my life, the verses in James came alive for me and I was able to see my struggles as a blessing from God and be grateful for them.
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” James 1:2-3
And now, I actually do.
